7 REASONS TRAVELING WITH BABIES IS LIKE THE 1ST THREE MONTHS OF MOTHERHOOD

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Traveling with babies is hard. My feed has been covered up with everyone traveling with babies in tow and it ain't easy. Don't even act like you got this, because I don't either. If you say your baby was an angel on the flight, then clearly you don't have more than one child and congratulations. If you have multiple children and most or all are in diapers, then your vacay was a shit show. Kinda like the first few months of motherhood. Yep. Don't worry, you're not alone. Here's 7 reasons why traveling with babies is like the first three months of motherhood. And why you deserve a bottle of Dom and all the cheese you want. 

1. You're tired. You're fucking tired. You feel slightly sick from being tired. You're almost willing to sleep standing up because you just returned to your bed after rocking the baby to sleep for the 3rd night in a row, only he's 1 1/2, not 3 months old. GO THE fuck to sleep. But they don't, they cry. And cry. They don't give you a reason. They're fed, bathed, changed, not sick, bellies full of mash potatoes and they are still pissed. No idea. Awesome. So...... I guess I'll just sleep when I'm dead?
2. Your body is sore. No you didn't just give birth out of your vaginal canal or lower abdomen, but it feels like you've been punched in the back. Why? Because your babies want to be held the entire time at Nana's. The entire time. Because everyone looks like a stranger even though they're not and therefore they run to you, need you to hold them, coddle them, and make them feel like they are welcome here, and so they never let you put them down, except the last day you're on vacation. That day they're smiling and kissing everyone and your back is on fire. Massage please.
3. You're eating everything. No Maile you're not nursing anymore then why do you want to eat every Oreo in Nana's house? Because it's vacation and there are Oreos everywhere. Every fucking where. And vanilla wafers. And pecan pie. And brown sugar cinnamon pop tarts. Wtf? Yes, gimme. Give it all to me. I need the calories. All of them. 
4. You and the husband are fighting. Why? Because the babies won't stop crying. Duh. It's like they know you are on vacation and want to relax and they just scream in your face to see you get mad. Like hahahhahaha this sucks for me too and I want my crib. Oh and I'm teething on thanksgiving. The husband is agitated, and so are you. And all you want is your house, the children asleep and a magnum of Opus One. 
5. You don't shower and rarely brush your teeth. That's because you're tip toeing around everywhere at the in-laws house and not turning on the water because you don't want to wake the babies in the next room. The layout of this house isn't exactly yours and it's much easier to not shower or brush your teeth than it is to deal with a crying awake baby. Period.
6. There's no sex. Where's the sex? Remember sex in the brown room at the in laws before kids? Remember sex everywhere in every room all day every day before kids? Forget sex, I just want sleep. And currently, both of us are sleeping with a kid in a full size bed, while the twins scream one room over. Awesome.
7. You say you'll never do this again. You'll never have another baby. (And then a few years later you have twins). Same with traveling. It's not that you hate traveling it's that you hate traveling with babies. It's not the worst idea in the world it just feels like it. It's miserable. It Sucks. Sucks balls. Like an ice pick in your eye. And yet you do it again. And again. Without fail, you pack the bags, gas up the car, head out and see what happens. It's a shit show and well kids, you'll be back. Oh yes you will. Because it's worth it.
8. P.S. Can we just stay home till the babies are 4? No, but really?
9. Oops, that's 8 reasons. Somebody get me a drink. Happy Holidays.