20'S ARE FOR THE MISTAKES, 30'S FOR THE LESSONS, 40'S FOR BUYING THE DRINKS

It's been said, the 20's are for the mistakes, the 30's are for the lessons and the 40's are for buying the drinks.

I like it. And I believe it. 100%. Here's why.

I could've said 40 is the new black, but that wouldn't be original. And even though it took some courage to actually type those words down on my keyboard, it actually feels authentic. But holy shit, I'm 40. Ok. Cool.

I'm not gonna lie, it's weird. Real weird. It's just an odd number to say out loud when it's actually yours. I don't feel 40, but I know it's real, like when you have the baby, you can't stick it back in, it's there in the flesh ready for you to nurture it and love it, unconditionally. Well, 40 is here and I'm gonna love you unconditionally. Because there is no other way to do it.

My sorority sister lost her life to cancer a few months ago. Gone. I can see her face in a flash, even up till the end of her last days, because she was shining like a diamond, she was radiant. Nothing could have stopped her in the life she was living. Nothing. She lived it. She soaked up every ounce life gave her and lived it up with grace and love. She lived it till the end. What a life. What a lesson. What a legacy within that lesson.

The 20's were full of mistakes. Not all of it was mistakes, but plenty. Experiences were had. Life was lived. It was extraordinary in the places we went. Looking back I see an innocent girl who said yes 2 too many times to marriage when I certainly wasn't ready. I see a dreamer who insisted on pushing the envelope until I was flying higher than the sky soaring but at times also knee deep in shit and having to crawl my way out. I see a girl who used to think her happiness was greatly decided by who was making me happy or things and possessions that were lending me joy.  Like I truly thought I would be married with kids by 25. I wanted it and fought for it. I was climbing the wall of China. It wasn't meant to be.  I'd climb and climb and climb and come crashing down. The 20's felt like a tidal wave, just up and down, high and low. The coolest of the cool, completely epic at times, but impossibly low at others.

Then I turned 30. When God gave me the green light to love, real authentic, imperfect, can't live without you love, then the babies came. Thank you Jesus. But the lessons were only the beginning. I think God serves us the biggest lessons in the 30's because he knows we can handle that level of understanding and disappointment without freaking out like life is going to end. Like when you become a mother and it's the greatest thing you've ever known and you want more babies and your husband doesn't and your marriage feels numb and almost crumbles. The 30's prepare you for war. They structure you for the unprepared events. But they also give you a badge of wisdom that your 20's don't offer. And that my friends, is money.

My 30's have been exceptional.  They took me to places I thought couldn't possibly surpass in my 20's. They were vibrant in color, crisp and clear in black and white. They taught me the truth about my heart and what it really meant when it wanted something. And it didn't hold back the pain when it broke me in pieces from disappointment. It was meant to force the real me to accept truth, fear and love in all the forms they come. The cards laid out as they were supposed to and accepting that I couldn't design life in another format was incredibly heart stopping....In the most positive lesson.

Perspective is vastly improved. It's clear. There's no more gray area. Becoming a mother changed that. It changed everything. The responsibility of life was beautiful but also, oh shit I'm not 20 and I have to focus on persons other than myself? Balls! This decade forced me to look up and be grateful, truly grateful, not just excited, but grateful. It's impossible to think I am worthy of this life when I look around me, but turning 40 has given me the green light to my straight up well deserved happiness. A-men.

So the 40's are for buying the drinks? I love that idea. I'm on it. I better write better. I better believe stronger. I better time manage like a boss or I'm screwed. Nah.... I'm older, wiser and smarter. I've birthed 3 children. I have a set of identical twins. And I've raised them. And they are all under 5 and alive. I understand sacrifice. I feel the blood, sweat and tears every day. And the joy. Oh, so much joy. Like, I get another year here on this beautiful earth to live, to love, to be here. Thank you God. Sometimes I don't feel worthy of it all.  But oh yes, I am worthy.  100% worthy. And a bad ass. And I deserve it all. And I'm happy. There you fucking have it. God bless the truth. And the grace to appreciate it. Happy. Happy me. It's here. And its good. And it's 40. I'm buying.