WHAT "I CAN'T EVEN" REALLY MEANS TO MOTHERS
Image by Sydney Clawson
This was almost 1 year ago. And I can't even.
People are always saying this. Mothers are always saying this. I say this. Because I just, can't. I can’t believe how fast it’s going. Some people are like, well, duh, it’s called life. It moves fast.
Well, we call bullshit. Because here's the thing. We’ve been wearing our heart on the outside our chests since we became mothers and it’s only getting worse. I mean great. I mean worse. We just can't, because it feels like our hearts are in a million pieces and that’s bullshit. And here’s why.
A child was born. And that child made someone a mother. A mother. Us mothers take that pretty seriously. And since the day that child was born, that mother has fed her, nurtured her, rocked her, held her, cared for her, and loved her with every ounce of everything she has inside of her. And as that child grows, every minute of every hour and every day of every year, her love grows exponentially. To the point of no return. And it infiltrates her whole world with ions of emotion and it doesn’t slow down.
Image by Blu Sanders
Recent case in point: the school years begin and all of a sudden your world is drifting by like ripples in the ocean. You see them for a minute, then they fade into the distance never to be seen again. This is how Kindergarten felt to me and it’s bullshit. And if this is any indication of how the rest of my life will go raising children, then I really call bullshit. Not because I’m mad. But because I’m so damn thankful and I don’t want it to ever be over.
This may sound selfish. Fine. Sue me. But in a day and age in my life where knowing what really matters and wanting to preserve that feeling forever, it’s kinda hard. And if you ask any other mother how she feels about this, she’ll utter the same sentiment.
Years are going to fly by. We know this. But it tugs at our heart. It stings us. And every time you see a picture on instagram or facebook of a mother posting a #tbt image captioned “I can’t even.”, this is why. It’s because you see them progress so quickly from the moment they get put on your boob, to the moment they try desperately to hold a fork in their hand, to them uttering the word nose at almost 2. And you cry because it’s a word. And that word means the world to a Mom. It's the moment all of a sudden they won't stop talking to the point of your head spinning and you haven't had your coffee and they won't shut up. Then it's the moment of them singing to you in french?, to them learning to ride a bike with no training wheels and you're beside yourself. It's the moment they are walking into kindergarten independently on their own and your nose is snotting onto your shirt from uncontrollable crying and wondering how in the world did we get here? To almost 10 months later, they are walking out the door on their last day of kindergarten saying “remember when I wasn’t even scared on the first day Mom?” and just like that, they are done with their first whole year of elementary school. And we're all like, WTF.
It's that moment you realize life is amazingly beautiful and devastatingly fast. And it’s wonderful and so abundantly giving. And yet, we call bullshit. We share pictures from last year with the hashtag "I can't even." And what that means is, we're human and we love our children. And we're borderline obsessed. And what it means is, we appreciate this life God gave us, in all it’s ups and downs, beautiful highs and disheartening lows, we revel in it’s greatness and by all accounts, we want to hold on and never let go. That's why "We. Can't. Even". It’s called gratitude. And we’ll be saying this till the day we’re dead. There’s no stopping us. . We love those little shits. I mean, I. Can't. Even. Sorry not sorry.
