20 KIDS BETWEEN US AND THE BEAUTY OF KNOWING

Nicolle Clawson 

Nicolle Clawson 

This just in. Being real is the new black. Maybe it’s age that brings this wisdom. Maybe it’s experience. Maybe it’s both. But what it most certainly is for sure, is the truth. And whether it’s grainy or crystal clear, when it comes out, it feels like you’re born again. And for the record, that is not a joke. It’s the knowing. 20 kids between us and we have the real, authentic, beauty of knowing. And what that can do for your soul? Everything.

I spent the last three days with 5 of my girlfriends at the beach. All of us very different. Some of us very alike. None of us perfect. If you’ve ever spent a minimum of 24-48 hours with your grown up friends, you might have encountered what I’m writing about. And if not, I encourage you to book a trip promptly. Anywhere. The river to camp, the beach to frolic in the waves, or the upstairs bonus room in your house while the kids and husband are at the in-laws.

This is paramount.

And here’s a hundred and one reasons why.

Karly Murphy

As we mature and grow, we expand. Our heart’s capacity somehow magically becomes the space where it’s able to hold all the love. Like, all of it. It’s also the place where it stores the pain. Whether it be mild or monstrous, it’s there. And when you discover yourself and (your true self), the not watered down kind, you allow truth to spill out of that massive pumping heart, over coffee, champagne and maybe some oreos. 

This truth can be anything y’all. Anything.

From the raptures of our family history, to the depths of marriage, to the beauty of our children and how and when and why we get on their level and be one with them, we allow life to be unveiled. In the hidden deep valleys of our relationships to the highest highs of our glorious achievements, the truth becomes our soundtrack, and happy becomes our heartbeat. 

Have you ever sat with people you love and just talked it out? Like, ask me anything. Or, how’s your mom? Or, I’m scared to potty train twins. Or, what will marriage really be like in 20 years?

Have you ever ran into the ocean even though you’re afraid to be freezing? Afraid of sharks? Don’t want to ruin your blowout?

Have you ever ran around in your bikini knowing you have flaws and knowing that the young ones just to the left of you are bikini twenty somethings and instead of caring about your flaws or that you just peed in the ocean, they see you and you see them and all of a sudden you’re all one in the same?

You’re really not. But you are. And you ask them to take a hundred pictures because you don’t want to forget the utter bliss of this moment with your beautiful friends?

And you smile and laugh till you cry because you might seem ridiculous and drunk and your bikini might be a size too small and you apologize for the taking of so many damn pictures and you say:

“It’s just, we have 20 kids between us and we are just relishing so hard in this moment of bliss and discovery that we are so human and so happy to have each other and this day on this beach on a beautiful Saturday afternoon.”

And they might just turn to us and say:

Y’all are 40?

Y’all have how many kids?

Y’all are the coolest.

Y’all are having way more fun than anyone on this beach.

Y’all are goals.

And then we’ll wake up the next morning and make the biggest brunch you’ve ever seen, complete with 2 carafes of coffee and 2 mimosas per mama, and we’ll sit there till noon.

And we talk some more. 

And we grow to love each other even more. 

Then we’ll clean up the entire house so efficiently you would think we are in fact the cleaning crew.

Then we’ll all shower and pack and load up into the Uber only to head right into the empty airport where we order fries and cokes and continue our glutenous eating rampage and board the plane to return home to our babies.

We may or may not have another mimosa aboard a southwest flight only to hit a thunderstorm in flight and not be able to pee till landing in Nashville 1 hour and 59 minutes later. 

And perhaps before we go our separate ways, we hug and really embrace. Ya know, the kind of embrace you do with your Grandma when you haven’t seen her in a very long time.

Because your heart is full. And it’s rested. And at ease. 

Because you gave it peace. You opened up, you let go, and you rode the waves like God intended you to.

If it weren’t for the love of girlfriends and the appreciation for the beauty of all the depths of who we individually are, then we wouldn’t have today. But we do. And because we do, we are so much better for it.

Life is not perfect or edited or fairytales like the movies. 

But if you say yes to the mom weekend and allow yourself to see yourself as you are, and everybody else as they are, there’s so much beauty in the knowing.

Really though. So much beauty it’s astounding. And it makes this whole life thing we’re doing, just so much cooler.