WHEN SAYING YES IS SO MUCH BETTER THAN SAYING NO

My Beyonce party hair is gone and we had a 4 am wake up call with our 5 year old with what we believe is the croup and it scared the living shit out of us. Freaked us out. Her breathing was labored. Her cough was like a seal. She was scared.  I was freaked. My instinct said to go outside and wrap her in a blanket and breathe in the cold air. My husband said to call the doctor and in my panic state I said "what fucking doctor, 911?" and he said, her fucking doctor!" We both calmed down and so did her breathing. We sat on the front porch steps and she asked me what those dots in the sky were. I told her they were stars and I cried, because she was ok. The doctor called us back and told us everything would be fine. And it was. She's better this am. Now let's hope the twins don't get it. Yeah, good fucking luck.

This is why sometimes you just need to say yes. Because life in motherhood can consume you in so many ways and if you don't say yes sometimes, you will die inside.

I'm a mother. Chances are, you are too. But I'm also a woman. Duh. But here's the thing. Sometimes women who are mothers need to step out of their momma zone and dance. Dance like they are Beyonce.

(Side note, I wrote this last night because I was so inspired, from Sunday night, so for the case of tense purposes, let's just pretend this was last night and erase the croup memory out of our brains.)

I've been performing my entire life. Less now than ever because I've been a little busy raising children but I'm not gonna lie, I miss it. And last night, I felt it in every. bone. in. my. body.

There's a reason Beyonce is Beyonce. And if you think I'm about to get political, I promise you, this is not your forum. Last night was not about politics. Last night was about power. Last night was about female warriors. Last night was about love, happiness, forgiveness and celebration. And also, it was about realizing I need to step up my workout game. Can you say lunges? Holy mother of God. 

I'm a performer, so clearly I was moved last night. I picked up the choreography move by move, beat by beat, because, well, I'm a dancer and a singer and I feel it, I learn it and I do it. Yep, I still got it. There was nothing palpable in Nissan Stadium last night that would've stopped me from moving my body like a maniac. Nothing.  It was beyond epic. It was riveting. It was church. Last night was about understanding the power of women, not just a woman named Beyonce, but women everywhere. Last night celebrated love. Loving yourself enough to love someone else. Last night Beyonce and all of us, celebrated the power within her music, her dancing, her God like skills as a singer, her womanhood, her sexuality, (and no Mom, she wasn't Madonna), her intentions, her commitment, her motherhood, her wounds, her survival, her bravery, her strength.

My friend Nic texted me a couple hours before the show and said "last minute but you wanna come to Bey?" I was running on 5 hours sleep, crampy, testy, exhausted and probably would've said "no I'll just stay in my sweats and put the kids to bed." I've seen Beyonce before and she was incredible. Beyond. But my Sunday afternoon had me in a funk and I knew I needed to say yes. I needed to see the #Formationworldtour. I needed to see Formation. I needed to be reminded that I'm a warrior and a brave one. And that I love music and the art of performance. And that I respect it and myself enough to leave the house on a moment's notice and go celebrate life with my friend and Beyonce.  There's a reason she sells out stadiums. And the reason is, last night. I said yes. Thanks Nic.

Looking around last night I saw nothing but joy and celebration. I didn't see any hate. ANYWHERE. I was surrounded by love (my friend and her mom) and several other friends we know, but strangers and I were looking each other in the eye and celebrating greatness. We were singing the lyrics with tears streaming down our face. We were shaking our butts to the same beat. We were happy. We were one. We were celebrating the power of being brave and fearless. Beyonce is not sugar coated. She is not perfect. (Although conversations between me and the bestie did go something like "She's not real." insert tipsy giggle cry) She's a force. She's a survivor. And you may be saying, Blah blah blah she's Beyonce....but let me tell you this, perhaps it's because I'm a performer and I 100% understand what she is doing up there takes 200% of her time, energy and love to give us a 2 hour show that left us astonished....but none of what she did last night came from nothing. She did it all. She created it. She worked for it.  That didn't magically show up on a silver platter for Bey. She created that. And she left us thinking it's incredibly inhumane to not love yourself for everything you are and for what God gave you. Amen. In my observation, music + performance that is well calculated and executed by somebody that can sing an entire song acapella even when it has several modulations and still sing perfectly in key, while strutting down the catwalk like a boss, is worth every minute of the non-sleep I'll never get back. I don't want it back. Beyonce destroyed last night. She killed. She inspired. Everything I love about a "performer" out kicked the coverage of anyone I've seen on a stage, in a long long time. And this is why I said yes.

I slept 4 hours last night, but I'm riveted by last nights events. I'm shocked at how much love I felt seeping through my veins based on a 2 hour experience in a football stadium with Beyonce. Sometimes saying no to things is incredibly important. Last night was definitely not one of those. Sometimes it's good to be spontaneous and not follow the rules especially when you are in the throes of motherhood. That means saying yes, even if you're tired. Even if you only have 5 minutes to get ready because you just bathed 3 children in under 10 minutes and you wanted to kiss them goodnight. Even if you forget deodorant but remember lipstick and mascara. Pick your battles, but pick yes. These are the times in your life that you don't want to miss. And it's ok to say yes. It's good for you. Tell that guilty voice in your head to fuck off. Because you probably will be back in the thick of it the very next day with a sick toddler or a some sort of hiccup like croup at 4 am. And you say yes, because you get to reflect back on a moment that took you out of your daily environment and gave you an experience that is unlike no other. That is why you say yes. Because, today I woke up still inspired beyond measure, hopeful for my future, and happy to be me.  And I have a little more pep in my step. I have a little more muscle behind my heart and can feel more deeply what it wants.  Because I said yes. Because that takes courage. Because I'm a woman, like Beyonce uttered Sunday night "and if you're a woman, you are strong, because you were born that way and that will never change". Just a friendly reminder. Ok, back to your regular programming.