SHOULD I SEND THEM OR KEEP THEM HOME?

Well, let’s be honest. This 2020 is just trickling slowly and it seems we are never going to reach the end of this nasty world pandemic. It’s miserable still and we are all over it on every level. And today, we are given the choice to send the littles to pre-school, or not. You’re damned if you do, damned if you don’t. And you and I both know at the end of the day, it’s my decision. But really, the question is, should I?

If you think I haven’t lost any sleep over this onerous debate, think again.

This is not something I can just push over my shoulder.

This is heavy. It’s real life and it’s happening in real time.

Anxiety is real and having thoughts of what could happen if I screw up this choice….well, it’s a thing.

And it sucks.

But if I’m really honest, like truthfully…I was thrilled to drop them off today. I made the decision with confidence and I rolled through the drop off line like it was any other day.

After all, it hasn’t been the easiest 6 months I’ve ever known.

But as a mother of 3 who homeschooled and then tried to keep the house afloat while we were all stuck inside 4 walls, it’s safe to say my mind and my body and soul were dying for structure.

And again, to be really honest, a gosh darn break.

So here I am, they just went to preschool.

They quivered their lip saying they were scared (considering it’s been several months they’ve been here) but I smiled and said you’re big boys and you’re going to love it! They smiled back, gave me a thumbs up and walked in with no tears.

Naturally, I started to cry with tears of pride.

I drove off and went straight home and worked for 3 hours straight in silence.

Not a noise. Not one. It was silent and I was focused.

IT WAS BRILLIANT.

And guess what? I picked them up and asked how it was and they loved it.

They asked me if they could come back tomorrow and how fun it was to see their friend Walker.

You see, I think it will be ok.

Until it’s not.

Then we’ll adjust again, like we always do.

And in the end, that’s about as much as we can control.

So, yes I sent them, and we’re still alive.

And I had breakfast alone in silence and it was the best morning EVER.