THE SOCIAL DILEMMA

image by Misty Trone

Being a mom isn’t a walk in the park. It’s lovely. And wonderful. But it’s not all baby coos and adorable onesies. It’s not the baby shower fondant cake, or the 10 sets of precious infant diapers you receive, or the cute pair of booties your bestie bought for your new baby. It’s also not the intoxicating baby scent, or the sweet tender hugs from your toddlers that fill up your cup on a weekly basis. Not that any of that is not important, it is. But it’s not the reality of everyday mothering. There’s a lot more to it and on any given day it can crack you. Like to the core. Yep. Being a mother does that to you.

Case in point. I watched The Social Dilemma on Netflix last week and sunk my teeth into it. I was in. And I payed attention. And to be honest I was a little freaked out. Now, I’m not naive and I do pay attention to what is relevant and what is happening socially on our planet. I have 4 kids. Of course I pay attention. My oldest, (my stepson who’s a teenager) fills me in on much of the social fodder on a high school campus and what’s happening on every relevant app that socially sucks in just about every teenager. It’s mind blowing. I remember asking him if him and his girlfriend ever just talk on the phone and he was like “what do you mean?” I laughed and said, “You know, like talk on the phone.” He said, “You mean FaceTime?” I died. I started laughing so hard. I also realized he was my barometer for all things teenage american pop culture. And a peek into his world might be the pre-cursor for what’s to come for my 9 year old daughter. 

So here we are. Social media is the social dilemma. Everywhere I turn it’s the face down, head in the phone. Including me. Yes, much of it is for work and knowledge for work, but let’s be honest, it sucks you in like they portrayed in the documentary. And also, A.I. is a real thing. I remember talking to my bestie about a bra I needed and it wasn’t on the racks at a department store and when I checked my phone for the recent text that came up, I immediately scrolled Instagram too (out of habit) and up came an ad of the exact bra I mentioned. It was weird. And all of a sudden I realized, this is real. This is life in 2020.

Well, I’m raising children in 2020 and right now the focus is keeping myself in check for my very bright and very aware 9 year old daughter. Just this spring as Covid-19 provided the beginning of the catastrophe of the virus, with homeschool and quarantine, a few of us moms and dads gave our best efforts as homeschool teachers and the little kids sort of fended for themselves. They learned Roblox on their iPad, they watched netflix, screens became the norm, and we had to let that guilt go.

Then one day during quarantine my daughter begged me to see TikTok. 

And so I obliged. 

I spoke of this before, but I feel different about it now.

The social dilemma here isn’t just about influence. It’s about changing the way we think. And operate on a daily business. It’s changing the way we function. And it’s all a little too much for my young kids to walk into and permanently adhere to. 

Here’s the thing. Technology is advanced. It’s a different time then when it was when I was a teenager. And being a teenager already sucked. But for me, I found my way into the theater where I found refuge in something I liked and something I was good at. That was not only a distraction, it was the only distraction. 

It’s different now and it’s escalating at a rapid pace… so much that it indeed scares the shit out of me for my daughter. And sons. 

So here’s what I know. Here’s what I’ve absorbed from all the documentary information that I could absorb on a sunday. 

Less screen time, more outdoors.

My kids are lovers of the outside. That was me as a kid. I swam nearly every day in California because I lived beside the ocean. 

My kids can explore. The creeks, the neighborhood, the parks, all of it. 

I’m also responsible for making this happen. 

That means as much as I want to write up something on my MacBook while they look at a screen, I have to consciously get up and say, “let’s go ride bikes in the neighborhood.” 

It also means on a weekend when it’s easier to chill all day on the couch, make a genuine effort to get out of the house and go anywhere outdoors. 

Luckily for us, we are in Tennessee and there’s plenty of places to go and fall is here and it’s beautiful outside. So no excuses.

It also means monitoring everything my kids are watching when they do watch. This doesn’t mean that I wasn’t monitoring before, it just means I’m aware I need to do better and I need them to know that I’m on top of what they are viewing and that’s not going to change.

Bottom line, I love my kids with all my heart. I know my limits. They do not. And it’s incredibly important for us to set boundaries for all of them because their future is at stake. Not to mention, their view of themselves will hold a huge stake in the years to come. And I want that to be determined by them and their experiences, and not by the social dilemma of the social internet. 

If you haven’t seen The Social Dilemma, take a minute and have a go. It will be worth your time, I guarantee it.