5 REASONS MOM FRIENDS ARE MORE THAN WINE BUDDIES

image: karly murphy

My husband said to me the other night, "You sure have a lot of birthday dinners to go to." Pause. "Yes I know." I said. "But they're important to me. Super important," I uttered as I smiled and loaded the dishwasher.  He didn't say this because he didn't want me to go to the birthday dinners. He said it because he was pointing out the obvious in the middle of discussing our calendar.  I do get out often with my mom friends. And I'm thankful. And perhaps he's a tiny bit envious? Probably not, but there's good reason and explanation for our plethora of moms nights out and it's not just about getting tipsy on wine and talking about how excited we are about the upcoming season of Big Little Lies.

This morning on the way home from the grocery, a good (mom) friend of mine texted me a picture of me holding her son the day after he was born. She said "I'll never forget you coming to visit and saying you wanted another baby." Dead silent, I sat at the stop sign for a total of two minutes crying tears into my lap. Luckily there were no cars trying to get past me because all I could do in that moment was remember every detail of every minute of that moment. Holding that tiny newborn baby knowing deep down how desperately I wanted another one of my own. Mom friends remember these things. And they don't just happen to be there for those moments. No, they are there for those moments on purpose... not just the moments that are frivolous and frośe. And here's 5 reasons why.

Marriage

Men may not talk about marriage to their friends. Or maybe they do. But women who are moms and married? Oh, they talk marriage. Boy do they talk marriage. Because married and kids is a shit show. And the mom code goes something like this. "Yeah, we need to go back to therapy." And then I say, "yeah us too. It's been a week." To which she quickly replies, "Girl, it's been a year. I'm exhausted. I need vodka. Now. Let's get wine soon!" And that wine day turns into conversations about marriage that we never thought we would be having in our 30s and 40s, but we do because marriage. Because it's hard. Because life. And because it's healing to talk it out.

The Children

Whether they are infants or twins or in elementary, it's a conversation. It's an idea. The idea that we are not alone in the diaper changing. Or the complicated breastfeeding. The nipples bleeding. Or the potty training. Or the colic. Or the unrecognizing of oneself post year 1 of baby.  It's a conversation daily between women who share common ground. It's more swim teacher recommendation than pool party convo. It's more "why is my daughter so dramatic and bossy at 6?" than what nail polish is more fall.  It's more texting a picture to the momsquad of mac and cheese for dinner and an emoji of guilty, sorry not sorry. It's an understanding. It's humility. It's our children and that conversation runs deep.

Health

It might sound flippant and unprofound to engage in a group text for an hour while lying next to your husband watching Netflix, but it could be this reason. Perhaps the text begins with "say a prayer for us tomorrow as we talk to the doctor about so and so and some tests we are running on her." Only to have your message box inundated with 19 messages between the time you get up to use the bathroom and when you promptly return. And it is filled with nothing short of prayer and love from mother to mother in hopes that all tests resolve in a positive manner. Tried and true, the prayers are active and they continue through crying emoji's thanking one another for the support because God knows if something doesn't go right we lean on the people we love for support and they are there. Because the health of our children is our primary prayer. And if the text turns to laughter to soften the mood by one Mom sending a ridiculous meme of Kim Kardashian and you burst into laughter while re-watching the last episode of Ozark with your husband, it is then you realize the mom friend thing is not only real and special, it's actually a wicked force. 

The Rat Race

When one friend utters "I need my girls" it can only mean one thing. The Rat race is taking her down. Not to a miserable death. But to the floor, to eat the leftover goldfish. To the wine glass to pour her some sanity. 1 kid. 2 kids. 3 kids. 4. There's no perfect number and there's no right way. We are all running like mice up through the valley and down again surviving the floods, the storms and the burning sun. It's catch and release. High and low. And 8 pm is usually the finish line. And we fall. And it's a really good pick me up just to hear your voice. Just to know you're there. And to hear it from another runner who's running this race just like you. Men may turn on the game or CNN, women plug in their iphone. Or if they're lucky enough, they run to get groceries but secretly come back home with no groceries but fresh newly painted toes and a glass of red wine on their breath. 

Sex

With marriage, children, our health, and the rat race, comes sex. Without it, none of the former even exists. We are women. We are 30. And 40. And we like romance. And sex. And talking about sex. And we're not afraid to go there. Well, maybe we are after childbirth, or even a couple months after childbirth, but duh. Can you say ouch? But we do eventually go there. Oh yes we do. And the conversations fuel these women. It make us laugh. Make us cry. Make us wonder. Make us feel human. And yes, the wine makes it funner and sillier, but that's the point. 

If we can't discuss these 5 extraordinary things in our lives with the women who experience it alongside of us, then what? Sometimes it is indeed frivolous and frośe. And sometimes it's the straw that broke the camels back. And regardless why we go to a birthday dinner or get our nails done for an hour without the children and with the wine, it's all for the goodwill of our human feminine mother spirit. And for that, I'm pretty sure every mother around the world, is thankful for the mom friend. I sure am.