WHEN YOU LIVE FAR FROM HOME
It’s not really a story. It’s my life. A tale of a girl who left home. Began a life of her own in a new town far far away from her beloved California. It wasn’t a new crazy choice considering I had already lived across the Atlantic Ocean in my twenties. But it was new, and unfamiliar and wildly exciting. And little did I know, it was where my life would land and where I would build a dream.
That dream was a family. I had so many dreams as a young girl. To sing. To dance. To be on the big stage. To be on tv. To be in a movie. To have a record deal. To meet the president. To travel the world. To live abroad. Fortunately, I did those things, but whenever I wished in a well, whether it was in the fountain in my neighborhood or the Fontana de Trevi in Rome, I closed my eyes, threw in my coins, and wished the hardest for a family. The kind I grew up in. The kind that made my heart feel real joy. Real happiness. Real warmth. That kind of family.
You could say it took me two continents and two fiancés to find it, but I did find it. And it was here, in Nashville TN.
I didn’t ever plan on leaving home. I thought I’d stay in California and find my family and raise them down the 405 from mine. But it didn’t happen that way for me. It happened 2000 miles east.
But once I found my family, I also I didn’t plan on coming home either. That’s the funny thing about how life goes. No one plans it all out perfectly. Life changes. We change. We grow. We fall in love. We find a new passion. And maybe, we start a family. God planned it that way.
Doesn’t mean that this week at Christmas time my heart isn’t in pieces because I’m missing out on our traditional Christmas family dinner. It doesn’t mean my tears weren’t on the floor at my daughters school play last night while none of her aunts and uncles or grandparents were there. Yeah, It’s hard when you leave home. And harder than you think. And here’s why.
Cousins grow up. Those kids in that picture you see above are growing like weeds in the garden. There is an over abundance of growth. Of memories being made. Of some of them becoming adults. Of parents growing old. And Great Aunts and Uncles maybe not in the same health as they once were. Time goes on. With or without you there.
Sigh.
But my daughter has the school play. And a basketball game. And the town parade. And the twins have been sick. And we have a family of 6. And school is not out for another week. And so we make choices. And we say maybe we’ll go next year. And then a year goes by and we’re all older. Again.
That’s what’s hard.
It’s the choices. It’s the day to day “I have to make a choice”. Ones that are good for my family. And for me. That’s the tricky part about adulting.
If you live far from home, I get it. And if you’re missing out on the cousins birthday parties and they’re missing out on your daughters Christmas play, it’s ok to feel a little sad.
It’s also ok to feel a little proud that you made it.
That you made your family. You created your dream. And every day, you create a life for them that’s stable and beautiful and that Mom and Dad in the audience watching the school play is magical in and of itself. It’s also ok to pick up the phone and call California and tell them all you miss them. And that you love them. And how they all need to come back to Tennessee one year and celebrate Christmas in my house like we did when the twins were born.
Maybe.
Or maybe I’ll just book flights for next year and miss everything. Because it hurts to miss home. And sometimes you just feel like going home.
P.S. Merry Christmas season and all the things. Now back to my coffee and Christmas list.
