FRIENDLY REMINDER THAT LOVE AND MARRIAGE IS NOT VALENTINES DAY

We look so young here. And hungry. For life and each other. You can see it in our faces. There is an innocence to our love, to our souls and to what marriage felt like 3 hours in. Sexy, like the velvety roses he would buy me for Valentines. And don’t worry, he still occasionally buys me flowers, but let’s just set the record straight. Love and marriage is not Valentines Day. And here’s why.

Growing up, I always had the notion that romance was everything. It was tangible on all levels for a young misty eyed romantic dreamer like me.  It was rosy, and fluffy, full of flowers and chocolate and a white picket fence perfectly wrapped around a couple in love. It was kind, reverent, sexy and all encompassing. 

And after experiencing love in many different forms and relationships, I quickly learned the inside edition of love. And what it truly meant. 

I think that’s the beauty of life and experience as we mature and evolve. It’s not always the PG-13 rom-com we thought it was on the big screen. And with this knowledge I learned that expectations, while sometimes realistic, are not always practical. Especially when you decide to have a family. And here’s why.

Not to burst the bubble of the Romantics, (because I’m one myself), but after marriage, for some or most, kids follow. And chaos ensues. Not forever. And it’s not always chaotic for every family on a level of 10, but we had twin babies and let’s just be perfectly blunt. It’s fucking hard. 

Enter Valentines Day expectations, sex expectations, nice dinner expectations, nice gift expectations, babysitter expectations, and of course the usual clean house expectations, well behaved 4 year old expectations and well, you’re pretty much screwed. 

So as Valentines Day approaches, instead of scrambling for ideas to ignite the fire or set the bar way high, I decided to throw up some easy ideas to not meet those expectations and rather set up a time, place and or thing you can do to throw him off a little. And hence, the fire burns way better. And sexier if I might add.

I’m no PHD in marriage psychology, but what I do have is experience. In this chaotic world we live in, it’s experience that has been my greatest teacher (along with education of course). 

So in an effort to enjoy February without any anxiety, here’s a few ideas.

NO TO VALENTINES DAY

If you’re reading this, chances are you’re a mother or want to be a mother and married or wanting to be married, so here’s my take on Valentines reservations on February 14, 2020. Don’t make one. Don’t go into town on the busiest day in February to pay $100 a plate for a menu designed for youngins’ to get excited about it being Valentines Day. Don’t do it. Tell the hubby you’re not interested in going out on this day. I know I know, you’re thinking, bad idea. Keep reading below. 

TAKE CHARGE WITH AN IDEA

Yep. You heard me. Maybe it’s because my guy’s love language might be more action than words, but I want you to take charge with an idea. Suggest an off the beaten path crazy concept. It could be dinner the day before. (Not too crazy). It could be dinner the week after. (Not too crazy either). But plan something. I can’t tell you how many times a month or two have passed and I haven’t been alone on a date with my husband. Like what does your hand in mine actually feel like? Yep. Because I forgot. So step in and make a plan. Lean into the action of designating a day for you two. Trust me, he’ll be into it.

GO AWAY

It’s not always possible to go away for the weekend or for a week in the Bahamas. I get it. (We haven’t been somewhere sunny alone together, in years). But, you can book an overnighter. Do a staycation at a hotel downtown. Hotel tonight is our favorite app to book a last minute hotel. The savings are amazing and the alone time in clean sheets with no one asking you for anything for an entire 12 hours is worth the money alone. Game changer for me. For us. Truly. Experience alone time together is so much more worth it than a fancy dinner neither one of us really care to have, only to wake up at 6 am with toddlers on top of your head. Ask your mom, ask a sitter, ask a friend to stay over. Book a room. Thank me later.

YES TO SEX

Not on Valentines, it’s too cliche. But every other day you can. Ok, ok, who has time? You! Yes I said it. Have sex. Do the nasty. Make love. Netflix and chill. Whatever you want to call it, do it. Sex is not over rated, (even amongst the marrieds’), so talk it about, rev him up and do it. Isn’t that how we all got here? It’s fun. Stop blushing and go. And don’t be ashamed of the word sex. It’s healthy. There are benefits people. Healthy ones. Do your research. Then do your husband. Ok bye.

One more thing.

We all get into a routine in life because that is the trajectory of life. We work, we love, we help others, and we do it all over again the next day, God willing. Lean into the idea that not all of us want to follow the simple rules. Not all of us need to book a reservation on February 14, 2020. It’s not imperative. We won’t die if he doesn’t bring us chocolate and you go to an average restaurant  because it was the only reservation left in your town. Go off the deep end. Live a little. Find a reason to be different and insist that’s what you do this February. Plus, you can buy yourself better chocolate of your liking while you are grocery shopping alone on a Sunday. K? Love you, bye. x Maile

And just in case you need something to wear to knock his socks off or to bring along for your overnighter, see below.

Because why not.

shop looks below