WHEN YOU LEAVE YOUR LIFE BEHIND FOR A MAN

IMAGE / SYDNEY CLAWSON

Currently: Sex And The City is on. Paris part 1 and 2. If you know you know. I know. I know all the episodes. Sex And The City for me, in my 20’s, was religion. It was like we went steady or something. We were always together. Laughing and crying together and deliberating over men, shoes, and how we can maintain our level of commitment to our vital social life with our girlfriends. I know all the dialogue. And I watch all the re-runs. Case in point tonight. And the episode as you may know, is about Carrie deciding to leave New York City behind, and begin a new life with a man she loves. I did this too. And here’s what we both learned. 

As I sat up and re-watched SATC for probably the 100th time, I found myself back in time. Back in the city of Glasgow Scotland where I lived with my then fiancé.  I was actually wandering Edinburgh. It was a spectacular city not far from Glasgow where I lived and I remember walking down the street taking glimpses into shops and restaurants and missing my American life. My family. My friends. My life. 

You see, I don’t think a woman ever takes decisions lightly. A decision to pack up and move to the other side of the world is one we take to heart. We think deeply about what it might be like, what we’ll be leaving behind, and what kind of life actually lies ahead. Is it fantasy, like Miranda in SATC suggested to Carrie? Or is it the right move at the right time, for the right reasons? Just as Carrie decided to pack up her life in NYC and move to Paris for love, I decidedly did the same. I moved to Scotland to be with someone I loved. Now as life would have it, Carried Bradshaw and my story are not exactly exact parallels. But for the sake of time and the color of this article, let’s just say it was close enough. 

I was in love. I was ready to make a life with someone. And I was ready to move on from life in L.A. 

I knew I was leaving a lot behind, but I knew myself and I knew I could make a life anywhere and make it wonderful on all levels. And I was right. And I did. But with every decision comes events. And sometimes those events cause a ripple effect. And you look at the person you chose and the life you left behind and it all comes crashing down.

Big did not show up at a fancy hotel in Paris to rescue me. That would’ve been nice. And very sexy. In real life, no one showed up. It was me who had to show up. I was standing in the middle of the Italian Riviera with my love and I looked around and saw children splashing with their mothers and lovers loving each other in the waves. And that’s when it happened. 

I had left my life behind for a man. 

No music cue here. Just real life. But in that moment, like Carrie when she told Alex (her French lover) that she was leaving, I did too. And here’s why. 

THE HARSH REALITY

Love is blind. Sometimes. And in my case, in this love, his love and his life was paramount and on his terms. That didn’t include mine or my feelings. Despite how much you might think you know someone and regardless of the love you have between you two, when love doesn’t feel right, it most likely isn’t. 

WHAT YOU LEFT BEHIND

So you left a job, a city and friends and family you adore. Well, that’s a lot. And there’s consequences with leaving behind all of those things at once. Did Carrie return to her home and her friends and her job back in NYC upon Big flying her home from Paris? Yes. Is that the case for the norm? Most definitely not.

REGROUP

That being said, regrouping your life and bouncing back into routine is not exactly easy, but it is possible? 100%. I would say without a doubt it’s not easy, but leaving behind a life that you know is not the one you want, is far better than staying in one that you don’t. 

REGRETS

I don’t really have any. I think it all happened because it was supposed to happen. And there were lessons to be learned. Like Carrie, there’s a realization that happens and suddenly everything you thought you knew about love and your decisions, is changed. You are changed. And it is up to you to make the next right move. This creates growth. Growth is good. Scary, but good.

CONSEQUENCES

I think we all know that with all decisions in life and especially love, there are consequences. When you decide to leave your life behind for a man, you’re risking the new life  you are creating with him in his territory, and hoping it’s even keel and beautifully and evenly curated. Even in cinema, it’s not perfectly written because if it was, no one would go. Carrie’s character would once again undergo stress and uncertainty with the ultimate love of her life because people are people and actions have consequences. None of which are not able to be figured out. We are all capable of such. 

When you leave your life behind for a man, sometimes it works out. Beautifully. In my case, it worked out not so perfect but it ended exactly how it was supposed to. I was lured in to SATC re-runs last night because I never turn it off when it’s on. Something about the series comforts me and makes me feel like I’m home. Maybe it’s because at the end of the day, they wrote it well and it coincided with so much of how I felt in my journey to finding love. In fact, I met my husband just a couple years after the series ended. And it was unexpected. And different. And felt like the right love. At the right time. And if you’ve read anything I’ve written before, you know I speak of our love in all of it’s imperfection. But it’s exactly the love I choose. Real, consuming, inconvenient, can’t live without each other love. Just like Carrie said. And I found it. The end.