TIK TOK IS RUINING MY LIFE AND MY DAUGHTER DOESN'T EVEN HAVE A PHONE
I know I know, roll with the times. It’s a new app it’ll be fun they said. Like facebook, like instagram, tik tok is taking over the world. And simultaneously, it’s ruining my life. So that might sound a bit dramatic, but I’m a woman, I’m a mother of a daughter, and yes, I might be overly dramatic. And that’s ok. I own it. And for good reason. And here’s why.
Have you ever heard of the book by Diane Levin and Jean Kilbourne named “Too sexy too soon”? I hadn’t either until I started googling topics on young girls and how technology and media and pop culture have turned the world for young children, to be widely influenced by sexuality, and not in a good way.
I’m not against the internet. Or social media. Or influence for that matter. But I am against the time suck that is technology that is slowing stealing my daughter. It’s almost as if there is a visual to the shrinking of childhood and it’s shining on my face. The race for time with my 8 year old is crucial. She’s my first born. She changed my life. Opened my heart. Made me believe that even the infinite is possible. And it’s important she stay little.
As she begins to desire to wear clothes like me, dance like the middle schoolers, or attempt to grab my phone to look at tik tok (which i’ve since deleted because I don’t even know how to use it and she shouldn’t either), I see time slipping away and the world chipping away at her innocence.
We are only 8 once. And as I go back to the tender age of 8, which I addressed in my last blog 2020 vision, I am firmly reminded by the glorious time that is when we are young.
And I don’t want that to dissolve. I’m not ready. And neither is she.
So what’s the solution? How do we cultivate the mainstay of innocence?
It’s not an easy feat but I’m willing to try just about anything. So here’s what I gathered from my research and here’s how I am scheduling my approach. Because it’s GO TIME.
LIMIT EXPOSURE
Without losing my cool or knowledge and desire to evolve with the ever changing times, let’s still go ahead and give her rules on devices and television. Decide on a time allotment that is fair and normal to you, not what her peers are doing. Be acutely aware of the media she’s watching. And come up with rules and boundaries that you would approve of yourself.
OBSERVE WHAT THEY OBSERVE
Watch Netflix with her. Even if cheerleading bores you or horse backing for that matter. Or the same Disney movie you’ve already seen or heard in the background a dozen times while you’re cooking dinner. Observe. Don’t judge her if it’s inappropriate. Explain to her your observation and why it would be best to watch something else. Choose the film. Choose the book that would interest and intrigue her and explain why you chose it and why you think it’s a good fit for her and her age and maturity.
HOLD OFF ON BIG KID PRIVILEGES
So the girl in her class already has an iPhone and takes selfies and texts friends and maybe uses tik tok (because her older sisters do), that’s ok for her friend. But we are the parents of you, and we decide what we think is best for you at this age. No, a phone is not happening and it’s unnecessary. As she grows older, the subject can come up and we can assess then. But when we decide to hold off on a certain big kid privilege, we must stand our ground.
TALK WITH HER AND KEEP COMMUNICATION OPEN AND EASY
I’m guilty here. This is a hard one. I can explode very easily. Perhaps it’s the Irish in me or the Filipino. But when she grabs my phone and finds my tik tok app (I’ve since deleted) I can get very upset because I simply do not want her on the app at all, despite what her friends are doing. It’s simply not a good idea for her to be attached to a screen watching strangers dance in all sorts of strange ways to music with cuss words. She’s simply too young, period. The goal here is to open communication slow and easy and not shame her in any way. Talking with our children in the most honest way can ease them into understanding our point of view. Note to self.
